Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize