Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
