She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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