1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
