Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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