and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
