What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ate ashes out of my bong
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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