At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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