I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
