i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
