5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
