Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
