Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
