oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
