o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
