Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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