i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
