I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize