if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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