I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
