I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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