Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
