The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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