Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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