i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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