Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
