Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
wow bdsm is so cute
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