My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
