well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
