i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
accomplished twins. life is a go
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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