shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize