HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
