Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
