I want to have your abortion
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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