dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
