Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
