my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
