Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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