hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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