he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
