i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
