I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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