If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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