I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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