I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
