This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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