you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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