I'd wear matching sweaters with you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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