Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
