never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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