wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize