nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
