Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Houston, we have a squirter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
