I wish I could punch you in the face.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
