Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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