There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
