his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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