just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
