I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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