What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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