I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
