He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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