My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just invented taco cereal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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