what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
