i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
