Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
