i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
