I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Found your dick twin last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
