Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
