its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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