If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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