I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize