I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
