Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
