I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
