I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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