You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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