Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
