when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
